January 23, 2012

it was all a lie?


tonight, 23rd of january 2012 
i never thought tonight would be such a big reversal in my life

someone i trusted so much
that i thought was a very good friend of mine
turn her back from me

and what hurts the most 
is the fact that i was totally oblivious of it
and the fact that even after i find out about it
i still, like her, and put all the blame on me
and the fact that even after i know the truth
i still want her to be my friend and still want to say nice things about her

am i stupid? or too naive?
maybe it was partially my fault
i don't know
because for the whole time, i thought we were okay
we're cool

but actually she hates me
and i can't bring myself to hate her
so i hate myself even more for that

well, maybe it's better like this
maybe life would turn out better
maybe being apart would change things

i'm always the type of person who can detect someone mood almost at one glance
so how come, it was so hard on her
was it because she was so good?
or was it because i was blinded by the word friendship?

i really really like to be her friend
she is like one of my best friend in the world
even it turns out to be this
i still want that to not change

so i decided to keep my mouth shut
because our memories worth a lot more than this pain she gave me

and maybe the problem lies within me

i just hope she will find a better friend
a happier life

cause i doubt that i will

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