Thinker Belle

As thoughts grow in time

since a love-hate, what can i do?

assalamualaikum and hey hey peeps 

i'm so pissed off right now
and it's freaking 5:41 IN THE MORNING!

well, i know i shouldn't be 
my brothers really makes anger filled me now
and i've even take a bath and wudhu' to suppress is

i'm such a softie
even living with two brothers doesn't make me any tougher

their words sometimes are so mean that it hurt me so much
i don't know if i'm taking it too seriously
i know sometimes they don't even mean it and boys are just a bit harsh in their way
even if their intention were good

but there wasn't a time where i didn't get angry at him/them every three or four days
and i can't even get mad or cry in front of them 
because my parents way are 'the oldest has to bear the consequences, no matter who's fault is it'

sometimes i feel happier living away from home
there were times when i miss them but it's better to be away where the chance of hurting them or being hurt by them is smaller

i don't want to get angry at them because i love them
but sometimes it's hard to contain

i feel so sad right now that i want to cry
but i can't even make a sound or they will hear

i don't want to ruin the atmosphere

if laughing because things were funny made them say mean words to me
how do you think it is when i made little mistakes like overheating the food?

i just want to be good at them
yet most of the time, all i get was pain stabbing my heart

i feel really pathetic now
and please don't comment this entry
i just need to write this somewhere
i feel better now 

p/s: even this entry made my brothers sounds like a jerk, but truthfully they are not
it's me being a softie since i'm the only daughter of the house


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