Thinker Belle

As thoughts grow in time

Why 2019 Sucks Yet Memorable To Me ☔

Wow, the year is ending, 2020 is no more a distant future and I am stepping into literally the last year of my twenties. That is definitely a lot to process and will take me a while to fully digest. To be honest, I am currently in a mental situation where there are a lot of things that feel surreal, a little numbing and confusing. Somehow, 2019 feels like a missed potential. Despite having so many things that happened this year, I feel like it went by too fast. This could be the hormone, the lack of sleep or the melancholy of having to say goodbye to a pretty much life-defining decade of my life talking but yeah, I am a bit sad to bid this year farewell.

2019 was downright an emotional ride. I am sure this is the sad and pessimistic side of me talking but there were so many goodbyes, disappointment and heartache. So many sad news in the world that makes you almost want to give up on humanity. But then, 2019 was also so memorable. I have people who stayed by my side at the moment when it was the toughest, I have people who love me, think of me and cheer me up at the time I need them the most.

And for the goodbyes that I had to say, it was hard but it was needed.

But then, when I was going through all of the memories from this year stored on my phone, it wasn't all disappointing. There were good times. There were unforgettable moments. This year, I managed to go to a few trips with the people closest to me, I crossed off a few of my bucket lists, I went to three different concerts (D&E, GFriend and IU) and even managed to go to the Phantom of The Opera Broadway Musical when they come to KL. I made a lot of happy memories.

So despite 2019 being a big ball of mess, despite my fervent wish that it was better, that I would feel better about it, I have to admit that after counting my big and small blessings of this year, it wasn't that bad. 2019 definitely has left a mark in my heart. It could be 50% sadness 50% happiness but I am still living, striving and working hard every single time I fall. And that's what matters.

For 2020, I am not going to put such a big expectation on myself to achieve something big. Just a constant effort to be better is enough.  I've been blaming myself for 'not doing enough'. Not posting on my blog 'enough', not working hard 'enough', not helping out 'enough', not connecting and reaching out 'enough'.

What I need in 2020 is time to heal emotionally and I guess the time to learn to appreciate myself more. I tend to put myself down too much and that needs to stop.

So, as I wrap up this decade and start to get ready to say goodbye to my twenties, I wish you all an amazing 2020 ahead. May the start of a new decade be the answer to our constant search for happiness and peace in our hearts.

Happy New Year 💜

Till next post, toodles~! ♥ミ


  1. yeah 2019 not really a good memories for me , i just being depressed and shut off myself from the world.

    i guess i'm recovering and still trying to become better .

    hey u'll be fine and indeed better than before , lets fighting :)

    1. Thank you for your sweet word! Well, on the bright side, with 2020 being what it is right now, 2019 doesn't feel that bad to me anymore.

      Fighting to you too!


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