April 13, 2011

life's social guide: why man don't understand women, and women don't understand man (part one)

hai korang semua ^^
tiba-tiba terasa nak merapu-rapu tulis entri lagi
sebab tengah frust, hari ini semua tak kena
perut still sakit, assignment bertimbun-timbun
goreng cucur lembik, lepastu entah macam mana, berangan-angan sampai hangus
but since it's still edible, so nak makan je lah
bukak peti ais..damn, sos cili dah habis!

tapi biarkan kisahku terhenti disitu sebab tak penting mana pun
ada topik yang lagi menarik nak tulis

korang pernah tak baca buku ni?

man are from mars, women are from venus?
buku ni boleh dikatakan buku pasal relationship between women and man yang paling famous

for me, i haven't finish it yet 
if you guys/gurls are really curious about how man/women mind work
read this, you won't regret it
and no worries, the writing style is bearable enough for a motivational book
sebab kalau buku motivasi yang skema sangat, nanti cepat ngantuk kan? hehe

you can download the e-book for mobile here
means, you can save it into your phone and read it when you have the time^^

since setakat ni baru baca sikit je,,haha
 what i understand so far
the writer tried to make an analogy of why we seems to be having 
a hard time understanding the opposite gender

you can view it like this:

firstly, you have to remember our differences (man vs women)
like the analogy, the writer compares us two gender as a different creature from different planet
but living together in a planet called the 'earth'

example of differences:
- women have and burn 20% more fats.
- man can use only one part of the brain at one time, women can use all parts at the same time
- man are like sprinters, women have more stamina
- if you try to walk in women shoes, they will walk in yours, not vice versa

secondly, man and women hold different kind sense of self values.
sense of self or sense of personal identity is the way you think about yourself

 for man's sense of self
- they view it through the ability to achieve something.
- man are "mr. fix it" they can learn to listen without being judgemental

meanwhile for women
- they are more into feelings and quality of relationship

that's why women tend to get more emotional, and higher empathy level than man
because they consider relationship with others as something important

"Young people are forming their self-image every day—based largely on the examples of self-respect and self-esteem they see in the important people in their lives."
-Wayne Dyer-
in context of way they handle stress 

- man choose to go to a cave to solve problem alone
- women prefer to seat together and talk through the problem

- man feels relieved from their stress when they know 'they are right'
- women relief their stress through emphatic listening.

- man prefer to solve one problem at a time and get frustrated with jumping from one problem to another

man and women have different way to get them feels motivated

for man they will feel motivated when:
- they feel needed 
- love motivates

women feels motivated when:
- they feel cherished

women and man have different kind of language

pernah tak you guys rasa macam ni.
"aku tak paham lah perempuan/lelaki ni, apa yang diorang nak sebenarnya?"

when women says this:

" i don't feels heard" @ " i don't feel that you care"

it literally means this:

i feel as though you didn't fully understand what i have been meaning to say or care about how i feel. would you show me that you are actually interested in what i have to say?

women usually use generalization in their words

as for men 
it usually works when you says
" it's not your fault"
while listening without solution works for women
as they actually need someone to share something with
the thought is what count most, not the results

usually when man "don't talk"
women will imagine the worst
while women "talk too much"
that it confuses man

when man talk, they usually tried to express information
meanwhile, women talk to express feelings

when man "don't talk" they usually:

- need time to solve a problem
- don't have an answer
- upset or stressed
- need to find themselves

while women "talk' when

- to convey or gather info (only when man talk)
- explore or discover what they want to say
- to feel better when they are upset
- to create intimacy

therefore, the same act, might means different to man and women
so all we have to do is too understand more

stay tuned for part two^^

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