February 28, 2011


       I have been preparing myself for awhile. Mentally. I don't know if it will work out as planned or not. But I will definitely try my hardest to make it come true. I am going to forget everything. Even though I have a strong feeling that wouldn't be a success, I decided to keep hoping and have faith.

      Because if I fail again this time, it'll be too hard for me to bear. Painful and stressful even though the happiness is still there. I learned so many things since  my first encounter with it. I get to know the real meaning of laugh and tears. How a single smile could brighten my day. The feeling of having something right in front of us, but doesn't have the power to reach for it. Seeing but still missing.

    Have you ever experienced that?

    A feeling that has the power to turn a single piece of crumpled paper into something more precious than diamond or money. A feeling that make a little sweet gesture feels like heaven. A feeling that is strong enough to stay with you for years.

    A feeling that have the ability to make you feels so pathetic and happy at the same time. A feeling that could make you cry right after a laugh. A crazy feeling.

   As much as I want to get rid of it, at the same time I want to keep it treasured forever.

   Do you know the feeling?

   When dream seems to be much better than reality. That is the sign.

I can't find it

I am envious of those who had found their passion, what they want in life, their target and their goals. People keep telling me that it will come to you someday, it'll be either fast or late.

But what should I do if I find it out too late?
For example, my life now. It seems like I am going with the flow. I can't  even picture my future self.
The problem started during SPM days,since I can't find my goal, I have no target. So, the final result is the just "so-so".

Even though the worst grade is B, but I feel like an idiot.

Why? I have been spending years, living away from home. With tons of assignments, coping with all nonsense rules and regulations that sometimes doesn't make sense at all, sleeping late, no tv on weekend etc. So the "so-so" results makes me want to die(theoretically). All the things I have to endure for five years, it doesn't worth it.

But, it wasn't too late to change. All I have to do is choosing the right course for me. Since, I am no good in math and physics subject I decided not to pursue further in that area. What is left for me is Biology or Language. But again, the stupid version of me came to interrupt. I keep thinking that it is a waste if I took language course instead of sciences after all these years that I spent in mrSm (yeahh, i purposely type the 's' in capital letter)

So, I applied to continue studying in matriculation as a back up plan. Since plan A which is to apply for JPA is crushed by the stupid me again. Why? Because I carelessly mistook the dateline for JPA application is actually the dateline for UPU application. So whoopsss, I missed my chance to get JPA. All thanks to me.

I start my matriculation life with full spirit. But the same problem came again. Since I have no target, I keep going on aimlessly. I keep struggling, keeping faith that I will find my future soon. But (again), life in matriculation is so stressful that I kept getting sick. Plus, I am so slow to understand math-hell-matics that it keep makes me frustrated. So once again I failed to get a better result. The once-excellent me had turn into the moderate-like-others me.

Frustrated. Depressed. Total failure.

So, with the moderate-matriculation result. I applied for local university to continue my degree.

The same problem come again. I can't find out what I want to be.
I don't have the slightest idea of what I love. So again, I pick out random course which sounds nice to me. And of course the course that have the little-est chance for me to encounter Physics and Maths again
Imagine that! Picking out courses that would determine who you are in the future like that!

Since I have nobody to refer to. No one older that can consult me. I ended up choosing something that I have little information about it.

But still, thankfully I got accepted into UiTM majoring in Data Communication and Networking.

Now, the real challenge begin again.

This course actually have more Math and Physics subject than what I have imagine.

Now, it's the second semester of my degree and I am still adjusting.

I am envious of my friends who are doing things that they love. At least they have the passion to make them go on. For me, I am trying so hard to cope.

I wanted to feel the same passion.
I don't want to be more useless than I am already now

I want to be that used-to-be-dependable daughter to mum and dad

I don't want to be ordinary.
Being a wallflower doesn't suit me at all.

Now, what I need to do is to find that one piece of puzzle to put my life together back like it used to be.

I know all this nonsense sounds like an excuse.
I hate it even more when I am acting like this.


I can feel that I will fail again and I will regret it.
Being a fool is not enough, now I have become a coward.
My feet is marching forward but my soul is left behind
I'm tired but don't know how to stop

Even thinking needs a lot of courage
Hoping to start anew but not bothering to take the first step
Days become months, it turn to years

Stop it, Forget it, Smile
Keep chanting those words
It's more than enough now
But my courage is still far behind

Act like it's nothing
When the pain is too much
Like a locked chain, I can't find the key to unlock it

Reality and fantasy is getting mixed up
Dream seems much better
Sleep feels like heaven

Being to loyal
I can't even betray
Being to stupid
I can't even denies

Me ten years ago
Me ten years forward
Me now
I can't find the similarities

The differences is too big
The gap is too wide

Till now I don't know
Should I gather the courage to say?
Before you are miles away?

Or keep it inside
Till my last breath?

Even crying doesn't change anything
Burden keep getting heavy
I can't even lift my feet properly

Like a fool
Again and again

don't assume, take time

    Sometimes, being around people is tiring. there are times where we have to fake a smile, denies the truth and even laugh on something that is not funny at all. When we have nobody around us, we might feel left behind and alone but there are times when there are too many people around that we feel suffocated and wanted to run away.

   Me too.

   Once in awhile, being alone is the best. You don't have to consider others feeling. You don't have to mind your laugh. You can cry. You can be yourself.

   But, the word 'be yourself' itself is a little confusing. I have been questioning myself for awhile. What is exactly 'being yourself' ? Each different word, act, laugh or cry? Even though it doesn't seem or sound like the 'normal' us, it still come from ourselves. So how come people can say that we are not being who we actually are?

  Now, even my sentences sound weird.

  To some people, they might feel that even their mother wouldn't truly understand who their sons/daughters truly are. Some parents even get fooled by their children. When loves blinds everything else, sometimes mothers and fathers can't see the reality of their children. Since I don't have the experience yet, I really can't clarify these statements.

    Even as an individual, we ourselves can't understand our mind.

    Since it always be like that. It would be wonderful if everyone doesn't judge people at once. Stop assuming and start understanding people.

   I have always hated people who assume carelessly.

   What you see doesn't mean that is the truth. Even the person agreed with a statement, doesn't mean his/her heart and mind accept it. What comes out from people mouth doesn't mean it is the answer.

   So just like I say, stop assuming, take time. Then, that time, you might get to know the truth behind one's heart

February 27, 2011

good girls don't talk to werewolves

today, i went to to KLCC to meet my unnies!
and i stop by at Kinokuniya 
and a book catch my eyes

since vampire or werewolf kind of story is a hit these days
and it's been awhile since i buy myself something good to read
i decided to buy this one
i just start reading a few hours ago
but i almost exceed half of the book

and i find out that it'll be out in cinemas in March!

i think i would finish the reading tonight
but, there will be bonus chapter to be released soon
on www.redridinghoodbook.com

can't wait for the real ending
as well as the movies

hope both will turn out good^^

p/s: btw, did i tell you the director for the movie is the same one as twilight?

February 23, 2011

something wrong with my heart

why does it keeps beating so fast tonight?
omo, this made me feel uneasy
even my feet are cold now

sign of sickness?
or special heart symptom?

na molla..(means idk in korean..LOL)

February 21, 2011

Running Man: A Must Watch Variety Show

If you guys love watching something fresh and funny
"Running Man" is a MUST watch especially for all korean-entertainment fanatics!

it's super hilarious
you will definitely be laughing like a madman

by SBS
there are permanent guest and also weekly guest

You won't regret watching it!

Well, I am currently a mad woman
LOL-ing alone like crazy
Haha..feels like I;m getting choked to death

The cast are all funny!

February 20, 2011

Unnie! Too Funny!

haha.hyoyeon unnie.this is total daebak! your expression afterwards!
i was LOLing on the floor till just now
why didn't i found this one earlier!

elf madness, i am mad

Super Junior’s Malaysian concert, 90% tickets sold within 4 hours

After a gap of 364 days, Super Junior will be holding a concert in Malaysia once again, and the fans started another ticket-grabbing fever! 90% of the 9500 which the organiser had allocated as sold within a short span of 4 hours, and it is believed that during the period of the pre-sale (until 10PM on February 19), all the tickets will be completely sold out! Even so, the organisers have reiterated that they will not seek extra sessions!

Almost 2000 fans who came from far and near were already cramming into the Sungei Wang Plaza’s 6th floor on Saturday morning, in order to purchase the tickets for the Super Junior 《Super Show 3 in Malaysia》! When some of the Malay fans knew that they managed to grab tickets for the first row, they immediately burst into tears at the scene!

Although the ticketing session was originally set to begin at 10am, but because of the amazing situation under the presence of Malaysian, Indonesian, Thai and Singaporean fan groups, the time for the ticketing sales was brought forward to 9.45am. Among them, the most expensive tickets which costs RM486 was selling out at the fastest rate, and 1400 tickets were already sold within the first hour for the whole venue.

Although the online ticketing was set to begin on the 20th, but from the 18th, there were already some people selling scalped tickets for the VIP area on the internet, inviting heated discussion. The organisers immediately stood out and clarified that the VIP tickets are strictly not for sell. Apart from that, the tickets for the VIP area will only be released after the Korean officials (for the concert) verifies the namelist. The SS3 concert in Malaysia’s production fees is up to more than RM 3 million, and would have a four-sided stage just like in Korea.

In order to grab tickets, fans brought food along and didn’t dare to use the toilets

Although the organisers were concerned about the fans’ safety on Facebook, and “disallowed” them from queuing overnight, but in order to grab the tickets for the best seats, the fans still came up with various ways.

It is understood that the hotels which were close to the Sungei Wang Plaza was already fully-booked by the overseas fans and also fans from other locations (in Malaysia), and quite a number of fans have been queuing up since 10am on Friday, but because they were driven off (by the security personnel) they were forced to loiter around the shopping complex. Since the 6th floor of the Sungai Wang Plaza would only be opened at 8am today(Saturday), a lot of fans who could not wait to get their tickets have already begun to loiter around the complex since yestereday night, and for the sake of queuing up, they even bought solid food along and didn’t dare to use the toilets. There are about 50 fans who indulged in an overnight karaoke session until 4am, then hid themselves within the shopping complex’s fire escape routes to avoid being chased out by the security personnel, all in order to “book” their places first at the main sales area on the 6th floor to grab their tickets.

However, before the fans fell into line, it could be said that the 6th floor was completely filled to the brim, eliciting complaints from the shopkeepers around, as they couldn’t even open up their shops to start off with their business. Nonetheless, under the instructions of more than 50 staff members and security personnel, the crowd was finally separated into two lines. Not only did they fill up the whole 6th floor of the shopping complex (up until the elevator doors), but the stairs next to GreenBox* was also full with people who were queuing up.

* GreenBox is the name of the karaoke outlet.

Source: Sinchew (local newspaper)
Translated by eternalsnow @ SJ-WORLD.NET
Shared by KyU Is L♥Ve @ SJ-WORLD.NET
Please take out with full and no additional credits.

daebak! total daebak!

omo! such a big record!

February 19, 2011

penah tak que up selama 6 jam straight?

memang penat
nak muntah
nak pengsan
nak pitam

semua ada

hurmm..being a fan is indeed pricey
both monetary and physically
not forgetting mentally

lol lol lol
but it's all become worth it!
aja aja hwaiting!

February 05, 2011

ouhh ouhh my yeobo again

since twitter have been a little dull these days
idk why, but i do feel that

when i was checking my twitter
i saw Kyuhyuns Over Flowers is trending!


I have no idea why
But my yeobo popularity is undeniable

If he really is kyuhyun over flower
maybe he would look like this?

hahha..nope, the cause of the trending topic is much bigger!
this one!

kekeke~whoops..gotta go! tata

Current Obsession: Secret Garden ♥

hyunbin hyunbin hyunbin hyunbin hyunbin hyunbin oppsss cho kyuhyun ♥ haha

yeah yeah i know
i am deeply obsessed with this drama
from the cast hyunbin!
the songs! my blog background song!
the scenes! dies! dies!

and even eunhyuk and the super junior members are obsessing towards the drama!

the scenes like!

okay, once again, i am officially head over heals with hyunbin
mianhe kyu oppa, i'm two-timing you..haha

Eh, kenapa macam ni?

 i was trying to google something
when google homepage is filled with super junior's picture
i'm sure it's not me that make this
so voila! so happy ^^

Interesting Facts About Love and Falling In Love

- Engagement rings are often worn on the fourth finger of the left hand because the ancient Greeks maintained that that finger contains the vena amoris, or the “vein of love,” that runs straight to the heart. The first recorded wedding rings appear in ancient Egypt, with the circle representing eternity as well as powerful sun and moon deities.

- Roses are a traditional symbol of love and, depending on their color, can suggest different nuances of love.n For example, red roses indicate passion and true love. Light pink suggests desire, passion, and energy; dark pink suggests gratitude. Yellow roses can mean friendship or jealousy. A lavender or thorn-less rose can mean love at first sight. White roses mean virtue or devotion. Some roses even combine colors to created more complicated meanings.

- Women often feel loved when talking face to face with their partner; men, on the other hand, often feel emotionally close when they work, play, or talk side by side

- Men who kiss their wives in the morning live five years longer than those who don't.

- Falling in love can induce a calming effect on the body and mind and raises levels of nerve growth factor for about a year, which helps to restore the nervous system and improves the lover's memory.

- Falling In Love Only Takes One Fifth Of A Second

- Falling In Love Elicits The Same Euphoric Feeling As UsingCocaine

- Falling In Love Affects Sophisticated Cognitive Functions, including Mental Representation, Metaphors and Body Image

- Passionate Love Is Sparked By The Reward Center Of The Brain

- Love At First Sight Is A Result Of Increased Nerve Growth Factor (NGF) In The Blood

cr: fact.randomhistory,psychworld.com

February 04, 2011

I would be..If I were..

This is just for fun

If I were a month, I’d be January
If I were a day of the week, I’d be Friday
If I were a time of day, I’d be 12am.
If I were a planet, I’d be Venus.
If I were an animal, I’d be an Eagle.
If I were a direction, I’d be East
If I were a piece of furniture, I’d be a Bed.
If I were a liquid, I’d be a Lemonade.
If I were a gemstone, I’d be a Sapphire
If I were a tree, I’d be a Sakura tree
If I were a tool, I’d be a Rope.
If I were a flower, I’d be a Sunflower.
If I were a kind of weather, I’d be Snowing
If I were a musical instrument, I’d be a Piano
If I were a color, I’d be Turquoise.
If I were an emotion, I’d be Love
If I were a fruit, I’d be a Apple.
If I were a sound, I’d be Wind.
If I were an element, I’d be Water.
If I were a car, I’d be Porsche
If I were a food, I’d be an Ice Cream.
If I were a place, I’d be the Garden.
If I were a material, I’d be Silk
If I were a taste, I’d be Sweet
If I were a scent, I’d be White Musk
If I were an item of clothing, I’d be a Scarf
If I were a body part, I’d be the Brain.
If I were a facial expression, I’d be Smiling
If I were a song, I’d be Minor Waltz in Cinderella Sister.
If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be a Wedges.
What would you be?

tell me what you wanna be !

February 03, 2011

Crush or Love? You decide.

Eleven Hints In Life

1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return.
But what is more painful is to love someone and never
find the courage to let that person know how you feel.

2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who
means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was
never meant to be and you just have to let go.

3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a
porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away
feeling like it was the best conversation you’ve ever had.

4. It’s true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we lose
it, but it’s also true that we don’t know what we’ve been
missing until it arrives.

5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an
hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it
takes a lifetime to forget someone.

6. Don’t go for looks, they can deceive. Don’t go for wealth,
even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you
smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day
seem bright.

7. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go,
be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and
one chance to do all the things you want to do.

8. Always put yourself in the other’s shoes. If you feel that it
hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.

9. A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck
a life. A timely word may level stress. But a loving word may
heal and bless.

10. The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best
of everything they just make the most of everything that comes
along their way.

11. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with
a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone
around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die,
you’re the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.

cr: tumblr.fithot

Yeobo! Saengil Chukahae! Saranghe!

To my yeobo Mr Cho Kyuhyun
Happy 24th Birthday^^

February 02, 2011

Siapa kata aku layan Korea je?

sumpah nostalgik lagu ni. dari start aku dengar tak berenti-renti humming
lagu lama zaman p.ramlee ni tangkap lelh gak kekadang..huhu

p/s: al-fatihah buat arwahyarham tan sri p.ramlee.

when my mouth doesn't get along with my heart

have you guys ever experienced this kind of situation before?
i bet, everyone have gone through this
even once

there are times, when i can't control myself
at times like this
my mouth refuse to say what my heart tells

i tend to say things which are totally not my intention
when i like someone but afraid my feelings to be revealed
i get mad at them, saying inappropriate things
doing things as if the person are my worst enemy

there are also times
when my heart was burning in anger
and i hate one particular person so much
but i can't even say one bad thing
even a curse

when my mouth, heart as well as my brain doesn't get along like this
i really hate it, it make me angry
because, when this happen i won't get to tell my real feelings
it's not like i wanna be a total jerk every time i meet someone i don't like

but i wish it won't happen too often
when my mouth refused to say what my heart feels
i lose the opportunity to say something that i should

now, i have missed that kind of opportunity
i am left with nothing but regret

i keep asking myself

what if i didn't yell at the person?
maybe we will keep in touch till now?
what if i don't get mad everytime?
maybe we will at least be friend till now?
what if my mouth doesn't say things that my heart doesn't intend to?
maybe i could have a clear ending?
maybe i won't keep thinking at every possibilities like right now?
maybe my life would be a little different?

i know that i shouldn't act like this. i should forget the past and march into the future.
i know i should keep going and keep all the memories as a mere memories
i know i shouldn't drag things like this

but still i keep asking myself
what if?